
COVID is one of those unpredictable natural phenomena that throws the whole of humanity into multi-level turmoil, challenging much of how we thought we can live our lives. We are forced to reflect, review and rethink how we live on this planet, making it improbable to hold on to the old consciousness horizons we were used to. This can be seen as a form of initiation we are willy-nilly subjected to.
Initiation is a rite of passage. The person undergoing initiation, the initiate, enters either by tradition, design or chance into a psychologically embodied process of transformation that opens her consciousness to further dimensions of human existence not previously aware of. Initiation is a transformation, in which the initiate is ‘reborn’ into a new role. Examples of initiation ceremonies might include Christian baptism or confirmation, Jewish bar or bat mitzvah, acceptance into a fraternal organization, secret society or religious order, or graduation from school or recruit training. A spiritual initiation rite normally implies a shepherding process, where those who are at a higher, more experienced level of consciousness, guide the initiate through a process of greater exposure to a fuller breadth of knowledge. One famous historical example is the Eleusinian Mysteries of ancient Greece. Puberty rites were historically very important as a way of channeling the adolescent’s unruly states of mind towards a contextually more encompassing and knowledgeable view of reality. The adolescent has to learn to see beyond the consciousness of his own tribe into the vastness of world reality. In short, the importance of initiation lies in its consciousness-expanding effect, so that we do not remain stuck in the false, and frankly often painful belief that the state of consciousness we spontaneously slide into during the transition from childhood to adulthood is all there is.
With the dawn of quantitative science a few centuries ago and the temporary amnesia with regards to the fact that humans have minds, the notion of initiation became obsolete, because initiation is a mind process. With the recent (a few decades) recognition of consciousness and mind as possible objects of scientific inquiry, and the central importance of subjective experience as an aspect of mind so necessary for living the good life, I think it is time to revive the notion of initiation, which can teach us so much about our human existence and how to make it more bearable.
Initiation entails a fundamental structure seen across cultures, which we can use as a psychological guide on our exploration of mind and consciousness and our development of mindsight. This is why in this year’s Mindsight Intensive I have been focusing attention on initiation therapy and the transcendental aspect of human existence.
Every initiation rite teaches five negative and positive truths that need to be absorbed. These are:
The transformation algorithm meditation we practice in the Mindsight Intensive, essentially a practice focused on the phases of the breathing cycle, allows us to access these five dimensions of initiation in a most direct and efficient way. Each initiation dimension, when deeply incorporated and assimilated, contributes to decreasing our suffering.
1. Through mindsight we discover that the inevitability of suffering cannot be met successfully through avoidance of pain. We learn to let go of the fight against the inevitable. Instead, we embrace as best we can the full complexity of reality and the full force of truth with a kind and welcoming intention that helps bring clarity to our awareness of what is really going on. With that awareness, we gain more freedom of choice when it comes to possible actions that contribute to decreasing our suffering. Embracing our breath the way it is without manipulation teaches us that.
2. Science tells us that so far in the evolution of the universe we are an infinitesimal afterthought the universe can do without. From a cosmic perspective our solar system will soon be burnt up and transformed into cold nothingness. So when it comes to you and me in the individual physical form we came into existence, we have precious little importance. However, our mindsight reveals the possibility of a great fascination we can cultivate with how energy and chance conspire over huge periods of time to give rise to something as marvelous as our human consciousness; and we can do that without having to resort to any extraneous notion of a creator. Not only that, but the expansion of consciousness through mindsight allows us to touch the direct experience of actually being the unfolding universe. Each one of us is the universe and life in its unfolding, beyond the temporary and mortal carcass we presently find ourselves imprisoned in. In fact, once we see our bodies more deeply within the large context of universal reality, and realize that we not only have, but also are a body, the body ceases to be a prison, but becomes the vehicle of liberation. The breath teaches us to see beyond the physical concreteness of our body into the limitlessness of our Being.
3. Life is not about you, because this separate ‘you’ or ‘I’ we always refer to is but a construction of the mind, just a thought, a notion, and not anything real, the same way a wave thinking of itself as a separate entity is but a movement of the ocean. Our mental capacity to construct a ‘me’, or more accurately many different ‘mes’ from moment to moment, which we are usually unable to differentiate, is a gift of human consciousness that allows us the freedom to realize how our existence is about life. The universe lives in part through us as marvelous conduits of its awe-inspiring enormity. In the outbreath we learn to relinquish this constructed notion of a separate self.
4. Science tells us that we are biological algorithms as I have written elsewhere, and as such control far less than we believe. Having little control does not mean we are at the mercy of the slings and arrows of circumstance. We can actively participate in the universe’s creation! We need to relinquish our sense of omnipotence by learning to get out of our own way and not resist the inevitable flow of reality, which causes so much suffering. I love swimming down the Rhine in Basel. The current is strong, and there is no way to swim upstream against it. But carried by the current, you can swim closer or farther from the shore, and decide when you want to get out of the water. After the long pause at the end of the out-breath, the in-breath will arise whether you like it or not – you might as well not waste your energy taking the in-breath – instead, just let it happen.
5. Although you are going to die, the question is who ‘you’ is. As in the above paragraph 3., our mindsight examination of this question reveals that we are not defined by the boundaries of physical birth and death. The pause at the end of the out-breath is an opportunity to enter the nameless, timeless essence of your Being and realize how constructed your sense of time-bound separateness is. This is your chance to learn to die before you die and lose your fear of death, so that you won’t die when you die.
This whole initiation process causes a basic change in one’s existential condition, liberating us from the profane of time and history, so that we can fly like a butterfly into the sacred dimension of timeless life. The mundane becomes sacred, and this sense of sacredness alleviates our suffering. As Mircea Eliade would say: “Initiation recapitulates the sacred history of the world. And through this recapitulation, the whole world is sanctified anew. The initiate can perceive the world as a sacred work, a creation of the Gods.” This is a way of saying that we don’t have to be tyrannized by an autopilot mode of consciousness that leads to living and destroying like animals, but that we have the capacity to meaningfully participate in the awe-inspiring mystery of our universe’s unfolding in a constructive and beneficial way. Eliade again: “Initiation’s function is to reveal the deep meaning of existence to the new generations coming after us, and to help them assume the responsibility of being truly human and hence participating in culture.” This human world in the deepest and most evolved sense of the word, reveals a world open to the limitless capacity of human consciousness we call transcendence, because it transcends the limited view of an untrained human mind.
To this end, we cannot stay stagnant in our endeavors to improve our lives, as if we were trying to improve the script of a dream, even though we all want to use any means available to us to make ‘the dream’ of our physical and social reality as palatable as possible. Beyond that, initiation towards transcendence is about waking up from the dream and touch a dimension of consciousness that allows us to feel the mystery of life in a direct and compelling way beyond all suffering and time-bound existence. This awakening also called an orthogonal shift in consciousness, is not some kind of remote prize for the chosen few, even though so many people look for it their whole lives without success. It is quite simply speaking an inherent capacity of most human beings, for which we are all wired. What’s difficult is the methodical training process necessary to activate this dormant faculty, which requires dedicated work on challenging every assumption we are used to living by within the boundaries of every day, untrained consciousness. Once seriously launched on this journey, its beauty lies in the fact that there is no return, no place to reach, and no achievement to pursue. There is only the walking on the path to nowhere and everywhere, knowing that we never ‘get there’, but can simply notice an improvement in our ability to lovingly get out of our own way and surrender to what is, whether we like it or not, moment by moment. Our conscious walking is Being.
Copyright © 2020 by Dr. Stéphane Treyvaud. All rights reserved.

We stand at a peculiar crossroads in history: transfixed by the spectacle of silicon minds assembling themselves from human thought, we have turned our gaze outward toward the machine – and in doing so, turned away from something infinitely stranger and more wondrous. The neuron firing in your visual cortex as you read these words has been refined by 500 million years of ruthless experimentation.
I. The Blind Spot
We stand at a peculiar crossroads in history: transfixed by the spectacle of silicon minds assembling themselves from human thought, we have turned our gaze outward toward the machine – and in doing so, turned away from something infinitely stranger and more wondrous. The neuron firing in your visual cortex as you read these words has been refined by 500 million years of ruthless experimentation. It speaks simultaneously in electrochemical gradients, synaptic geometry, glial whispers, epigenetic memory, and the mysterious way it feels to be you – a language so layered that we have barely begun to translate it. Artificial intelligence, for all its breathtaking mimicry, is a shadow cast by the organic: flat, fast, and legible precisely because it has been stripped of the irreducible complexity that makes life alive. The real frontier was never the one we built. It is the one we inhabit – and have barely looked at. The real moral concern is not AI’s consciousness, as it will forever just be a machine; it is the irreducibly different organic world of biology – life. Substrate matters.
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II. The Flight from the Organic
And yet, rather than turn toward that complexity, we are doubling down on the flight from it. Somewhere deep in the cultural psyche, an ancient archetype is running – a Noah’s Ark for the digital age: the dream that we can load our minds onto servers, colonize Mars, and outrun the fate of being mortal, embodied, and organic. It is a fantasy that the laws of physics greet with indifference. Mars is not an oversight in our evolutionary story; it is simply not within the conditions that made us possible. We are not minds that happen to have bodies. We are bodies that learned to think – and the thinking cannot survive the abandonment of the substrate.
Meanwhile, mindfulness – which might have been the corrective, the return to the full-bodied, right-hemispheric, emptiness-rooted intelligence that the organism actually runs on – has been quietly colonized by the same left-brain agenda it was meant to interrupt. Stripped of its contemplative roots in what I have coined Core Mind Realigning, it has been repackaged as a cognitive performance tool: stress reduction by spreadsheet, attention training as productivity hack. MBSR, as it is now commonly taught, too often becomes another exercise in mental management rather than a genuine rewiring of the organism’s relationship to itself. The silence at the center – the emptiness that is not absence but generative ground – has been edited out. What remains is technique without transformation: the map sold in place of the territory. Even technique is routinely taught superficially as many of my students coming from elsewhere attest – stripped of the exacting, unhurried rigour that navigating the infinite complexity of the mind demands. Too many practitioners have become more invested in the reductive confidence of evidence-based orthodoxy than in the kind of authentic human engagement that makes living transmission possible. But the deeper problem is one of timescale. The journey toward liberation from suffering is not a course. It is a lifelong apprenticeship – and the willingness to commit to it without horizon is not incidental to the path; it is the path. This is a principle Core Mind Realigning holds at its centre – with rigour, precision and commitment. It is no surprise, then, that people who complete a time-limited MBSR program without further training remain essentially untrained, unable to sustain a meaningful daily practice – because transformation is not an outcome. It is a way of living, a way of patiently walking the thousand-year journey and notice improvement.
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III. The Complexity We Cannot Build
Consider what forgetting life with its organic substrate actually costs. Despite centuries of biochemistry, we have not yet assembled a single living cell from its chemical constituents – not one. The cell remains, in this precise technical sense, beyond us: a self-organizing, self-repairing, meaning-making system of such staggering intricacy that our most sophisticated laboratories can only observe it, never truly replicate it from the ground up. Even if we eventually construct something that qualifies as a living cell, what it would lack is not an ingredient but a history – and four billion years of unbroken evolutionary inheritance is not a detail that any laboratory procedure can retrospectively install. And the cell is merely the beginning. Trees negotiate resource-sharing through fungal networks with a sophistication that shames our internet. Animals navigate, grieve, play, and remember in ways that suggest an interior life we have only begun to take seriously. Ecosystems regulate climate, water, atmosphere, and fertility through feedback loops so interdependent that we cannot yet model them fully – only disturb them. And disturb them we have. Roughly 70% of insect biomass has disappeared within living memory, quietly and almost without public mourning, even though the loss of insects would mean the collapse of the terrestrial ecosystem. The organic world – the only world that actually made us – is being unmade, and we are largely looking elsewhere. Time matters, evolution matters, nature matters – replanted forests have little in common with old growth jungles. Just as a rich broth cannot be hurried – only tended, over hours, until what was raw and separate becomes nourishment – so the untamed processes of the mind yield their healing secrets only under the slow, sustained heat of trained awareness.
This is not only an ecological crisis. It is a crisis of attention – and perhaps, at its root, a crisis of wonder. Where is the mindfulness project equal to this moment? Not the one that teaches you to breathe through a difficult meeting, but the one that rekindles genuine passion for what we are made of – that positions the practitioner not merely as a calmer self, but as a custodian of biological heritage and wisdom. The original invitation of contemplative practice was never stress reduction as its core; it was the direct investigation of the nature of mind and reality – including the emptiness at the heart of both. Quantum biology is now finding that coherence, superposition, and non-locality are not metaphors when applied to living systems – they may be operational realities at the cellular level. The void is not outside biology. It may be biology’s deepest mechanism.
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IV. The Left-Hemisphere Civilization
And what happens to the collective mind when this dimension is foreclosed – when a civilization becomes, structurally and habitually, a left-hemisphere operation? The results are not difficult to observe, and they are not accidental. The left hemisphere, as McGilchrist has meticulously documented, is not unintelligent – it is narrowly, brilliantly, dangerously competent. It categorizes, systematizes, and controls with extraordinary efficiency. What it cannot do is hold complexity without resolving it, tolerate paradox without collapsing it, or remain in relationship with what resists being named. When it becomes the dominant mode of a civilization – not merely a tool but the operating system – the dire consequences ripple outward into every domain of collective life.
Politics becomes the first casualty. Discourse that was once capable of holding tension – the irreducible tension between liberty and solidarity, tradition and renewal, the individual and the commons – hardens into opposed and irreconcilable certainties. Each side constructs an internally consistent worldview devoid of common sense, a closed epistemic system that processes only confirming data and experiences disconfirmation not as information but as attack. This is not disagreement. Disagreement requires a shared ground. What we are witnessing is something closer to parallel realities – each one coherent from within, each one increasingly unable to perceive the other as fully human. Dehumanization does not begin with violence. It begins with the foreclosure of ambiguity.
Religion (from Latin ‘re-ligio’ meaning ‘re-connection’), which at its contemplative root was always an encounter with what cannot be controlled – the groundlessness beneath ground, the silence beneath thought – gets conscripted into the left hemisphere’s project. Mystery becomes doctrine. Paradox becomes heresy. The apophatic tradition, which knew that the deepest truths can only be approached by unsaying, is replaced by literalism: sacred texts read as mindless instruction manuals, transcendence repackaged as tribal identity. God becomes a flag. The infinite becomes a weapon. And those who wield it do so with the serene confidence of people who have mistaken the map for the territory so completely that they have forgotten a territory ever existed.
Power displaces respect because respect requires the recognition of an interior life in the other – and that recognition is a right-hemisphere act. When the right hemisphere’s contribution is diminished, the other becomes a category before they become a person: a demographic, a threat vector, an ideological position. Empathy does not disappear entirely – but it narrows, becomes tribal, and then, in one of the more tragic ironies of our moment, turns against itself in suicidal inevitability. What begins as genuine moral sensitivity curdles, under left-hemisphere management, into a performance of sensitivity – competitive, punitive, and ultimately self-consuming. The result is the tyranny of division, entitlement and indoctrination. Truth becomes dangerous, because it is routinely inconvenient and offensive to the spineless – then gets replaced by the scourge of political correctness. Cultures begin auditing their own histories not with the nuanced grief of people trying to integrate a difficult past, but with the prosecutorial zeal of systems seeking to purge contamination. Here again, the substrate is forgotten, history is forgotten, the sense of identity lost. The result is not healing. It is a new form of the same splitting: the world divided again into pure and impure, victim and oppressor, the saved and the condemned, with the terms simply reversed.
Polarization deepens not because human nature has changed but because the cultural and technological environment now systematically rewards the left hemisphere’s preferred mode: fast, certain, categorical, and emotionally activating in the most reductive sense. Social media does not merely reflect the divided mind – it selects for it, amplifies it, and profits from it. The algorithm has no investment in wisdom. It has an investment in engagement, which is to say, in the kind of arousal that forecloses reflection. We have built, at civilizational scale, a machine that feeds the part of us least capable of governing wisely – and then expressed bewilderment at the quality of our governance.
What is missing – what has always been missing from political discourse conducted entirely within the left hemisphere’s jurisdiction – is the capacity McGilchrist calls 'Aufhebung': The ability to hold opposites in a higher synthesis without destroying either pole. This is not compromise in the weak sense – the splitting of differences – but genuine dialectical movement, the kind that requires sitting with discomfort long enough for something new to emerge. It is, not coincidentally, precisely what contemplative practice trains. The still point is not politically neutral. The capacity to remain present with what is unresolved, to resist the premature closure of complexity into slogan – this is a civic faculty as much as a personal one. Its absence is not just a spiritual problem. It is a governance crisis.
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V. The Return
And yet – and this is the turn that neither the political left nor right can quite bring itself to make – the remedy is not more analysis. It is not a better ideology, a more refined critique, or a superior epistemic framework. The left hemisphere cannot think its way out of dominant left-hemispheric insanity. The exit is not through the same door. What is required is a return – not a nostalgic one, but a radical one, in the original sense of radix: root. A return to the substrate. To the body that breathes without being asked. To the forest floor where a single teaspoon of soil contains more microbial organisms than there are human beings on earth. To the silence that is not the absence of noise but the generative presence of something prior to noise – the ground state from which experience arises and to which, in deep practice, it returns.
This is what the organic world has always been quietly offering. Not consolation. Not escape. But scale – the humbling, orienting scale of a complexity so vast and so intimate that it cannot be othered. You cannot stand in genuine relationship with an old-growth forest, with the mycelial network threading beneath your feet, with the migratory intelligence of a bird navigating by magnetic field and star – and remain entirely inside the left hemisphere’s jurisdiction. Something shifts. The boundary between self and world becomes, not dissolved, but permeable. This is not mysticism as an add-on to biology. This is biology, perceived at the depth it deserves.
The contemplative traditions knew this long before neuroscience had the instruments to confirm it. The Zen master pointing at the moon was not making a metaphysical claim – he was performing a corrective, redirecting attention from the symbol to the thing, from the map to the living territory. The Buddhist teaching on śūnyatā – emptiness – was never a nihilistic statement about the unreality of the world. It was a precise phenomenological observation: that all phenomena, including the self, arise interdependently, without fixed essence, in a web of mutual conditionality that modern ecology recognizes under a different name. The Buddha and the mycologist are, at some level, describing the same discovery. The cell membrane and the Markov blanket are, at some level, encoding the same ancient problem: where does self end and world begin, and what does it mean that the answer is always – here, and not quite here.
Core Mind Realigning we practice in our meditation programs at The Mindfulness Centre – the full-spectrum return to embodied, right-hemisphere-inclusive, emptiness-rooted awareness – is not, then, a wellness intervention. It is a reorientation to reality. It asks not merely “how do I manage my stress” but “what am I, actually, and what world am I embedded in.” It trains the capacity to tolerate not-knowing long enough for genuine knowing to arise – the kind that includes the body, the relational field, the silence beneath thought, the intricate aliveness of the organism that has been, all along, doing something far more extraordinary than anything we have yet programmed a machine to do.
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VI. The Frontier We Forgot
We are not at the dawn of intelligence. We are, if anything, at a moment of reckoning with how much of it we have ignored. The intelligence that assembled the human eye, that coordinates the immune response, that allows a murmuration of starlings to move as a single fluid mind without a conductor – this intelligence does not fit in a prompt. It does not run on servers. It also does not require the optional imaginative maneuver of engaging in an intimate relationship with a divine creator. It ‘simply’, yet astoundingly runs on carbon, water, time, and a set of thermodynamic constraints so precise that the margin for life, in the universe we can observe, appears almost impossibly narrow. We are that margin. We are what happened when matter became curious about itself – and the least we owe that fact is attention.
The mindfulness project, at its fullest, is nothing less than this: the cultivation of a quality of attention adequate to the complexity we actually inhabit. Not the attention that optimizes, extracts, and moves on – but the attention that stays, that deepens, that allows the world to become strange and specific and irreplaceable again. The trees are still communicating. The genome is still, in every cell division, copying three billion base pairs with an error rate that would humiliate any human engineer. The glia are still doing something in the brain that we do not yet fully understand. The emptiness at the heart of matter is still – against all our productivity – simply here and, if you prefer, simply God in its incomprehensible essence. God does not have to be posited separately. This very ordinary embodied moment is extraordinary beyond imagination when we know how to look closely – it is God’s magnificent incarnation.
We did not need to build a mind. We need to inhabit the embodied one we have – and wake up, at last, to the world it arose from.
Copyright © 2026 by Dr. Stéphane Treyvaud. All rights reserved.

Human function, action, cognition and behavior under the lens of automaticity
Every novice meditator must understand the mind’s inherent automaticity, forged over eons of evolution to secure survival. The brain, the most intricate structure in the known universe, gives rise to the mind, whose elaborate workings unfold as the most profound phenomenon we can encounter. This complexity reveals our vast potential for self-deception, emphasizing the urgent need to avoid harmful habits early in practice. Cultivating a precise and resilient technical foundation is vital for navigating the mind’s labyrinthine depths. Let us briefly explore the scope of this automaticity, a formidable force we confront as we seek to understand our lives.
Estimating the exact percentage of human action and functioning that is automatic and not conscious is tricky, as it depends on how we define "action," "functioning," and "conscious." However, research in psychology and neuroscience suggests that a significant portion of human behavior and physiological processes operates outside conscious awareness.
1. Physiological Functions: Most bodily processes—like heart rate, breathing, digestion, and reflexes—are automatic and controlled by the autonomic nervous system. These account for the vast majority of "functioning" in terms of rawprocesses. If we consider all bodily functions (including cellular processes),conscious control might apply to less than 1% of total activity, as most biological operations are involuntary.
2. Behavioral and Cognitive Actions: When it comes to behavior, decision-making, and cognition, studies suggest that a large portion is driven by automatic processes:
- Psychologist Daniel Kahneman, in his work on System 1 (fast, automatic) and System 2 (slow, deliberate) thinking, suggeststhat System 1 dominates much of our daily behavior. Estimates vary, but someresearchers propose that 95% or more of cognitive processes (e.g., snapjudgments, habits, and intuitive reactions) are automatic.
- Studies on priming and implicit bias (e.g., by John Bargh) show that many decisions, from simple motor actions to complex social behaviors, are influenced by unconscious cues.
- Habitual behaviors, like driving a familiarroute or typing, often occur with minimal conscious input once learned.
3. Conscious vs. Unconscious Balance: While no precise percentage is universally agreed upon, some neuroscientists estimate that 90–95% of brain activity is unconscious, based on the volume of neural processes handling sensory input, motor control, and background cognition. Conscious actions—like deliberateproblem-solving or focused attention—make up a smaller fraction, perhaps 5–10%of mental activity.
Rough General Estimate: If we combine physiologicaland behavioral aspects, roughly 90–95% of human "action and functioning" (broadly defined) is likely automatic and not conscious. Thisvaries by context—routine tasks lean more automatic, while novel or complex tasksrequire more conscious effort.
Copyright © 2025 by Dr. Stéphane Treyvaud. All rights reserved.
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An everyday journey from existential nihility to radiant emptiness.
I am drawing upon an instance from my everyday life to illuminate for my students how mindfulness practice in general, and the Mindsight Intensive curriculum in particular—which traces the trajectory of human existence through being and nihility towards absolute nothingness and emptiness—invites us to expand awareness in a very practical way as real, lived reality.
A substantial aspect of this undertaking entails familiarizing oneself with the differences between the realities shaped by the left and right hemispheres of the brain—most notably, the profound insight that the right hemisphere directly presents and reveals reality, whereas the left merely re-presents it as a simplified map of what truly exists.
With this understanding, I explored two contrasting linguistic approaches to articulate the experience: the descriptive, technical language of the left brain, rooted in an 'objective' yet inherently limited perspective, and the imaginative, vivid, and richly contextual language of the right brain, grounded in an embodied, more open-ended viewpoint. The single quotation marks around 'objective' highlight a neurophysiological truth: the brain never perceives reality impartially. Instead, its perceptions are shaped by a drive for certainty, manifested through value judgments that prioritize survival.
My hope is that this exploration may deepen my students’ understanding of the intricate human journey toward wholeness.
For several consecutive early spring days, a single, distinctive fly appeared to relish the bright sunlight illuminating my bathroom. We have grown familiar, coexisting as two entities engaged in our respective routines. I designate her as "she"—perhaps influenced by the feminine grammatical gender of la mouche (French), la mosca (Italian), and die Fliege (German)—an intuitive attribution rather than a biological assertion. She occasionally positions herself on the curtain railing above my bathtub, observing as I shower. More frequently, she rests on the windowsill, tracking my movements as I shave, and at times briefly alights on my hair for a few seconds. I have been aware of her presence throughout, akin to an inquisitive cohabitant sharing this confined space, but today I intentionally sought a deeper engagement.
She was once again stationed on the windowsill, basking in the sunlight, as I shaved. I approached closely, examining her large, compound eyes, and posed the question, “What is it like to be a fly?” Initially, my cognition activated a predictable analytical response, retrieving stored knowledge about her physiology: a head encasing a compact brain; expansive, multifaceted eyes affording a broad visual field; antennae functioning as olfactory and gustatory sensors; specialized mouthparts adapted for sponging or piercing-sucking; a thorax anchoring six articulated legs, rapid wings, and club-shaped halteres for flight stabilization; and an abdomen housing digestive and reproductive systems, concealed from view. Her exoskeleton, black with muted grey striations, bore a subtle, fur-like texture, as though she had ornamented herself for this encounter—a sizable specimen, impossible to ignore.
Yet, I deliberately suspended this intellectual framework, opting instead to engage her in a silent, receptive state. My question became more personal and changed to “what is it like to be you”? I consciously down-regulated the default mode network—the neural substrate of self-referential thought—relinquishing the ego’s persistent drive to assert its permanence. This ego, in its dualistic framework, projects constructed identities onto the external ‘other’, rendering her so alien that I might, without reflection, swat her away, extinguishing a life deemed insignificant, irritating, or even repellent by that limited perspective.
In this shift, a different entity began to emerge within my awareness—not a mere object, but a presence actively relating to me, exhibiting a form of consciousness distinct yet perceptible. Her curiosity, perhaps reciprocal, prompted her to take flight and settle briefly on my hair. I remained immobile, registering the faint tactile sensation of her tentative exploration of my surface—an interaction probing my identity as much as I sought hers. The contact was transient; she soon returned to the windowsill, fixing her gaze upon me. I speculated that she might, in her own unknowable way, ponder a parallel question: “What is it like to be this massive, terrestrial organism, incapable of flight, beyond my capacity to name?” The perceived separation—me here, her there—dissolved into a unified ‘we’, marked by a tangible exchange of vitality through our shared, living awareness. Though our modes of consciousness diverge, they intersect intimately, each of us enacting existence according to our inherent capacities. Together, we participated in a dynamic interplay, a microcosm of the universe’s unfolding, so affecting that tears briefly surfaced, reflecting regret for the countless instances of inattentiveness lost to automaticity.
This encounter with such a remarkable organism illuminated a progression of awareness. Initially, I had navigated the ‘dark night of the soul’—a dualistic state of nihility, a relative nothingness characterized by existential desolation and the collapse of meaning within a self-other framework. Beyond this, I accessed a non-dual absolute nothingness, a broader mode of awareness where subject-object distinctions dissolve into a unified field of being, devoid of relational constructs. Yet, this was not the terminus; it opened into emptiness—the ultimate awareness mode, a boundless, vibrant expanse where the extraordinary manifests within the ordinary flux of daily existence. This state, achieved through direct presence with this fly, surpasses any chemically induced psychedelic experience in its clarity and depth, revealing a profound interconnectedness inherent in the fabric of life, the extraordinariness of ordinary existence. No answer could ever come close to the tantalizing peace of timeless questions.
For several radiant spring mornings, a singular, remarkable fly has basked in the golden sunlight flooding my bathroom. We have become familiar companions, each merrily tending to our daily rites. At times, she—yes, she, anointed feminine by the lilting echoes of la mouche, la mosca, die Fliege, a soft intuition humming through language—perches atop the curtain railing above my bathtub, a silent witness to my shower’s misty veil. More often, she lingers on the windowsill, her gaze fixed upon me as I shave, now and then darting to alight for a fleeting instant upon my hair. I’ve felt her presence all along—a curious housemate in this shared sanctuary—but today, I vowed to bridge the chasm between us.
There she rested once more, cradled in the sun’s warm embrace upon the windowsill, watching me wield my razor with quiet intent. I leaned closer, peering into her vast, prismatic eyes—kaleidoscopes of a secret world—and murmured, “What is it like to be a fly?” At first, my mind thrummed with the familiar pulse of knowledge: her head, a miniature cathedral of instinct; those grand, jeweled eyes unveiling a boundless vista; antennae, fragile wands of scent and savor; mouthparts sculpted for sipping or piercing; her thorax, a delicate frame bearing six crooked legs, wings that shimmer with thunderous speed, and halteres, poised like a dancer’s plumb line; her abdomen, a veiled chamber of life’s mysteries. She gleamed, black as night with faint grey stripes, her form cloaked in a gossamer sheen, as though she’d adorned herself for this tender rendezvous.
This time, like as many other times as I can possibly honour in daily life, I let this torrent of facts dissolve, beckoning her to meet me in the hush of silence. The question changed to become more personal: “What is it like to be you?” I stilled the restless clamor of my mind, loosening the ego’s tenacious hold—that brittle self, desperate to cling to its mirage of eternity, casting endless conceptual shadows upon the being before me. So remote she might appear, I could, in a careless flicker, swat her away, deeming her life a trifling annoyance, a speck of disdain. But no—a different essence began to bloom within my consciousness.
A presence unfurled, no longer separate but alive with me, awake in her own cryptic grace, her curiosity a mirror to my own. Suddenly, she soared, settling upon my hair. I stood statue-still, captivated by the faint tickle of her pilgrimage across my scalp, a gentle quest into the enigma of my existence. The moment was ephemeral; she soon returned to her sun-gilded throne, gazing back at me. Perhaps she mused, too: “What is it like to be this lumbering, wingless colossus, a riddle beyond my silent tongue?” The gulf between us—me here, her there—dissolved into a luminous we, tethered by a pulsing filament of shared aliveness. Our ways of knowing diverged, yet entwined, each of us threading life’s arc with singular devotion. Together, we spun a strand in the vast loom of the cosmos, a dance so piercing that tears brimmed in my eyes, lamenting a lifetime’s moments lost to the fog of unawareness.
In that tranquil void, beside this astonishing fly, I brushed against an abyss beyond sorrow—a stillness forged in the crucible of the soul’s dark night, rising into the infinite embrace of nothingness. From there, it was but a tender plunge into the world’s embrace, a surrender that let peaceful nothingness blossom into vibrant emptiness—a radiant field teeming with the miraculous veiled in the everyday. This quiet epiphany, outshining the wildest psychedelic odyssey imaginable, unveiled life’s timeless poetry: unspoken, extraordinary, woven into the ordinary cadence of days. The nameless question remains.
Copyright © 2025 by Dr. Stéphane Treyvaud. All rights reserved.