
Like the weather shaping landscapes, aloneness pervades our psyche in ways that continually modulate its character. This topic recently came to be worked through in one of my psychotherapy groups, and as if by synchronicity, it also surfaced in the Mindsight Intensive during our explorations of unfamiliar modes of awareness we can access through meditation. I took this as an opportunity to try to put some order in this complex topic that elicited many questions from patients and students alike.
Etymology
‘Alone’ (= al-one) is originally made up of the two words ‘all’, meaning ‘wholly, entirely, without limit’, and ‘one, only one of me, oneself’. Combined, these two notions mean ‘limitlessly just oneself’, or ‘unaccompanied, solitary, without companions, all by oneself, wholly oneself’, which by implication also includes ‘… and nothing or nobody else’. By the same token, ‘all, entirely’ also implies ‘all that is, everything’, meaning that when one is alone, one is also everything or with everything. The fact that the word ‘alone’ combines these two clusters of meaning, ‘all one and nothing else’, which implies an endless void around it, and ‘all that is, everything’, which implies an endless fullness of everything, suggests that the meaning of aloneness can correlate with several possible human experiences.
The resonant dance of feeling felt
Aloneness is both, an inescapable psychological reality that can be either painful or pleasurable, and an acquired capacity necessary for growth, health, and wisdom.
To begin with our psychological development, as infants we are dependent on adults to take care of us. Nature has made sure to wire our brains and bodies so that for the most part there is no escaping the development of a strong nurturing bond flowing both ways between child and caregiver. I am referring to the mammalian attachment system that in humans is based on a special neurocircuitry called the resonance circuitry or social engagement system. In brief, physiological and mental states in both child and caregiver resonate deeply with each other like two well-tuned musical instruments. This resonance causes both organisms to attune to each other and respond empathically to the other’s expressed needs. In this dance, each partner receives, registers, and interprets the verbal and non-verbal information coming from the other person in a way that ensures that the responsive action meets the other person’s needs. Like in a good dance, each partner feels heard and seen by the other as needs are being felt, shared, interpreted, and responded to in a timely manner that fully meets the relational requirements of that moment.
Our social engagement system that sings through the vibrations of our resonance circuitry is responsible for both, our relationships with others as well as our relationship with ourselves. That is the reason why in attuned relationships both partners can see themselves through the other person’s eyes, and learn to feel felt and be seen and heard. When we feel heard by the other person, we can hear ourselves, and vice versa. We enjoy access to the many layers of neuroprocessing in the body, from being somatically attuned to our body, to recognizing and regulating our emotions, all the way to being able to make sense of our life stories. The attuned relationships that shaped us become internalized, so that when we are alone, we are also with all these people who have shaped us in a healthy way – they are always with us in our minds. Applied to the child’s relationship with her parents, when a young child enjoys attuned relationships and therefore develops a secure attachment to the parents, after a heartfelt goodbye the parents can leave the room for a while, and the child will not only be happy and able to concentrate on playing by herself, but greet the parents with warmth and joy when they come back. At most, the child may be a little upset when the parent leaves, but calms down quickly.
With a well-developed capacity to be alone, we are present with ourselves the way we were able to be present in our relationships with our loved ones, and the whole world is with us. We don’t feel lonely, but deeply connected. Given the double function of the social engagement system responsible for one’s relationship with both others and oneself, when children have the opportunity to develop attuned relationships with their caregivers, or when adults later take the opportunity to do the same with their therapists, teachers, or mentors, they also develop attuned relationships with themselves. In other words, through attuned relationships, we internalize those healthy external relationships into the ways our own psyche manages our internal relationships with ourselves. In this way, even when we are alone with ourselves and nobody is around, we are in the company of these remembered internalized attuned relationships. This represents the capacity to be successfully and pleasurably alone without feeling lonely, restless, or stressed.
Of course, as nothing in life is perfect, that attachment dance is not perfect either. Occasionally the attunement process does not work properly, and we stumble. As long as that is the exception, and in those moments of stumbling we can apologize and repair the broken link, assuring one another that nothing fundamental is broken in the love bond, we continue to thrive. Such empathic failures of attunement are an inevitable part of healthy intimacy and ensure our capacity to be resilient in the face of inevitable disturbances life circumstances throw our way. This is the healthy situation of a ‘good-enough’ relationship, implying that attempts at having a ‘perfect’ relationship are not only impossible, but will inevitably fail and cause a lot of stress and disruption.
From the brain’s wiring perspective, attuned relationships result in increased connectivity between different brain regions, thereby maximizing the brain’s resilience and capacity for processing new and challenging life situations in creative and efficient ways.
The dance of attunement in the construction of a useful illusion
With healthy attunements in our relationships we are able to be fully creative and use time alone as an opportunity to fine-tune internal attunement and groundedness in one’s healthy sense of self. Through the cultivation of attuned relationships, we develop a healthy sense of self. Unable to elaborate on it without going beyond the scope of this article, be it just said that this sense of self is a construction by the brain that gives us a psychological centre of gravity from which to organize how we conduct our lives. As useful as this sense of self is to ensure our survival, it is nonetheless an illusion. Experientially established at least a couple of thousand years ago in Buddhist psychology, this has relatively recently also been scientifically confirmed.
To be precise, the successful construction of our sense of self occurs within the scope of our ordinary waking consciousness. Its hallmark is our experience of life as a duality between our ego-self ‘inside’, which we deem to be the observing subject, and an objective world ‘outside’, observed and experienced by this ego-self. To be sure, the successfully developed ego-self that marks the subjective pole of our dual world, is at the same time the healthy sense of self that makes us into a ‘somebody’ who allows us to live life competently in accordance with society’s norms of success. Once we have achieved the developmental milestone of having become a ‘somebody’, we can use it as the springboard for a transition toward existentially more evolved modes of awareness we will discuss below, through which we discover the illusory nature of our sense of self. Like the wizard of Oz, upon close scrutiny, our sense of self reveals its essential emptiness. Armed with an initially strong and well-grounded illusion we called our ‘self’, we can then embark on the journey of deconstruction and allow ourselves to discover its inherent emptiness and the surprising fact that at our core we are a ‘nobody’.
Imperfections of the dance of attunement
Life circumstances are not always very forgiving, and children often grow up without the experience of optimal attunement from their parents. We can therefore also internalize unhealthy relationships, and when we are alone having been shaped by relationships that cause pain, we are in pain. The painful quality of a dysfunctional relationship to parents becomes the painful experience of relating to ourselves.
The pain can be very different, depending on what went wrong in our formative relationships. We may have experienced absence and unavailability, leaving us with an incessant yearning for a connection we can never have or fulfill, combined with a deep withdrawal and disconnection from ourselves that mirrors the disconnection with the absent parent we yearned for. Such a child does not even acknowledge or feel the need to say goodbye to the parent who leaves the room in the clinical experiment. The child gets easily bored and restless when alone, and does not respond upon the parent’s return. The style of relating to others and ourselves becomes avoidant, rigidly cut off from our and other people’s internal world, body and emotions. We may also have experienced ambivalence and inconsistency, intrusiveness and control, leaving us conflicted with regard to closeness; we yearn for closeness, but closeness is disorienting, suffocating, or conflicted. This applies to both the external relationship and the relationship with ourselves. Such a child is clingy and gets very anxious when the parent leaves the room, and it has a hard time letting go. While the parent is away, the child is anxious and distraught, and when the parent comes back, the child can’t easily calm down, remaining anxious and angry. The style of relating to others and ourselves becomes ambivalent, as we experience our own and other people’s internal world as chaotic and overheated.
In all these cases, being alone is a painful situation, because we are unable to successfully feel at peace and content in our own skin. Our relationship with ourselves is fraught with disruption of one kind or another, avoidant or ambivalent, shut down or nervously restless, and we cannot see ourselves clearly. We, therefore, end up struggling to properly regulate our emotions and mental states, experiencing stress and restlessness, or a sense of scarcity and lack in life. When alone we experience loneliness and remain dissatisfied. Being alone feels stressful in different ways, either like being in an overcrowded market one cannot find a quiet place, or in a boring abandoned factory, one cannot find anyone to meaningfully connect with. Our sense of self does not feel secure, but insecure, always on edge or shut down.
From the brain’s wiring perspective, such unattuned and insecure relationships result in less efficient connectivity between different brain regions, thereby compromising the brain’s resilience and capacity for processing new and challenging life situations in creative and efficient ways. Life’s challenges are not met with ease and we are prone to developing symptoms of all kinds, from psychological symptoms of dysregulation, relationship problems, and addictions, to physical illnesses.
When catastrophe hits
Our attachments can be even more disrupted when we have experienced trauma. This is different from the less-than-optimal attachment patterns we just discussed that cause lesser efficiency in our brains’ connectivity. Trauma is defined by the relationship between an overwhelming event, series of events, or persistently overwhelming life circumstances, and the way a person responds to such overwhelming events, causing the brain to become completely ‘paralyzed’ or so overwhelmed that normal functioning becomes impossible. The need for loving connection and the reality of dangerous toxic assaults on the child are completely at odds with each other, creating an inescapable situation of toxic love without solution. In these cases, the brain’s wiring becomes not just less efficient, but literally broken to use a metaphor, to the point that different brain regions become completely severed from each other, incapable of communicating and cooperating. This is called dissociation. The likelihood of developing symptoms of all kinds as mentioned above becomes much higher and more severe.
Aloneness after trauma is a different experience from the one described in the first two instances of attachment disruption. This one is not just unpleasant, but it is a terrible aloneness based on a complete fracturing of our relationship with ourselves and with certain other people, rendering relationships not just more difficult, but variably impossible. Our sense of self never had a chance to be constructed in the first place and is so shattered that there is no real center, not even a constructed one to be found. Reaching inside means finding broken pieces of ourselves and others littered all over the place without hope of ever putting Humpty Dumpty back together again. Internally, instead of a sense of self, there is literally nobody to be found, a gaping void and abyss of nothingness with nobody around. From moment to moment, one never knows which fragment will predominantly respond to life’s circumstances and react to life’s demands by fighting, fleeing, or freezing. If one is lucky, one has compensated for this inner void by developing a false sense of self as a person that can more or less function in the world, but that false self, that mask feels very brittle and fragile, unable to contain the horrible internal reality of complete fragmentation.
The vision of a future destiny
Having reviewed various experiences of aloneness that depend on our history and attachment development, we now must also look into the future and the growth potential of every human life. Everything described so far belongs to an awareness mode we call the field of consciousness, which I briefly described above as the kind of ordinary waking consciousness we are intimately familiar with, and that creates a view of reality steeped in duality; we see ourselves as a separate subject in the form of our ego-self experiencing a separate world of objects. Within this field of consciousness, we engage in scientific research, psychological explorations, and philosophical musings, all in an attempt at improving our lives from its perspective. Many people live and die within this mode of awareness, without ever transcending it and embracing a larger contextual apprehension of reality by developing access to two further awareness modes, the fields of nihility (nothingness – from Latin ‘nihil’ = ‘nothing’) and the field of emptiness (which paradoxically is fullness). These latter two modes of awareness humans are capable of require at least special attention, if not outright training to be accessed.
It would be beyond the scope of this article to pursue an in-depth exploration of these three modes of awareness with their fields, and their importance for decreasing suffering in our lives. Instead, we will touch upon certain aspects pertaining to the fields of nothingness and emptiness that bring us face to face with one more version of aloneness we need to be able to recognize and distinguish from the previous versions we already discussed.
Busy singing and dancing on the sinking Titanic
The field of nihility beckons for example when we are faced with extreme situations that render everything we have so far known in life meaningless, such as the loss of a child, a terminal diagnosis, etc. It goes without saying that meeting nihility is one of the aims of mindfulness meditation – to die before we die, so that we don’t die when we die. When nihility raises its ‘ugly’ head, we are called to answer existential questions such as what the purpose of our lives is, why we exist, where we come from, and where we are going both within and beyond the boundaries of birth and death. This is when we leave the domains of science or psychology and enter the existential realm defined by the juxtaposition of life and death, existence and non-existence, things and nothingness. The moment we are born, death is closely afoot, ready to tap our shoulders as an inescapable reality – like the backside of the moon we never see and yet always exists as an inextricable aspect of the moon. This ‘backside’, or rather underbelly of existence, called nothingness or nihility, is the absolute negation of existence we are perpetually, unconsciously, and frantically trying to ignore by staying busy within the field of consciousness of our ordinarily lived lives. This effort of repression is not only costly wasting a lot of energy, but creates in itself a significant amount of suffering. We are busy making music, dancing, and sharing drinks on the sinking Titanic.
The moment we open ourselves up to the underbelly of existence, we first encounter the unsettling experiences of meaninglessness, absurdity, forsakenness, and aloneness that open within the awareness field of nihility. To make sure we understand this correctly: The field of nihility is an awareness mode we are customarily not familiar with, and usually avoid entering and developing, because it is unsettling and even scary, the way freedom is scary to a prisoner who is released after decades of imprisonment. This being said, it is precisely through a full surrender to the inescapable character of nihility that makes no sense from our field of consciousness perspective, that we break through the most profound illusions of our lives and find liberation beyond them. As the physicist Lawrence Krauss remarks in his book ‘A Universe From Nothing’, nothing is the fullness of pure potential, unstable, generative, and creative. The field of nothingness is quite similar that way, something you immediately discover and experience when you are trained to access that awareness mode.
Freedom beyond illusions
The existential sense of aloneness within nihility is very different from the horrible sense of aloneness after trauma. They echo off each other and can be used to inform each other, as long as we know how to distinguish them and ‘treat’ them differently and appropriately. Existential aloneness of nihility is not horrible, because the internal search for the self does not reveal traumatic fragmentation as such, but the illusory nature of the self’s construction instead. That is a big difference!
The aloneness of a non-existent self because of fragmentation is far more ominous and dangerous than the aloneness of a non-existent self because of the revelation of its illusory nature. In the first instance, one mourns the absence of something real and important that should have been there, but never came about – in other words not a loss, but the abortion of something real and necessary. In the second instance, one mourns the loss of a useful illusion, which as illusion appeared to be real and necessary for a certain developmental stage in our lives – in other words, the compelling awakening from an imprisoning mindset that unwittingly causes suffering like the illusory power of the wizard of Oz. Trauma aloneness feels like senseless nothingness without existence, while, no less vast and abyss-like than the aloneness of trauma, this latter aloneness of nihility is imbued with a hopeful, liberating sense of being shared with all that exists.
Obstacles on the path
The main gate to the Zen ideal of ‘being free and easy in the market place’ first opens into hell. Make no mistake, before we reach the promised land, we first have to endure the forty years lost wandering through the desert, the forty days fasting in the same desert, or the night sitting without moving under the Bodhi tree, and so on. The path to enlightenment does not consist in pursuing sources of light, but in bringing the darkness into awareness. The first order of business is to include the underbelly of existence in existence, which means integrating the field of nihility into our lives.
As mentioned above, that is easier said than done, thus the Christian metaphor that ‘many are called, but few are chosen’, or the Buddhist metaphor that ‘one has to want liberation more passionately than a drowning person wants air’. Metaphors always sound more heroic than the reality they highlight, but it is an honest question that needs to be asked – how we can withstand the deconstruction of illusions all the way down to the bottom of the ocean of suffering. There are no easy answers to these questions, which is why I have designed a whole intensive mindfulness meditation course called the Mindsight Intensive around these questions. Here, I just want to highlight issues to be considered around the challenge of aloneness.
We all start from the basis of the field of ordinary waking consciousness. After all, that is the awareness mode we grow into from childhood and consolidate during adulthood. Within that field, we have seen that we may have any of the three main attachment patterns and senses of self: The secure, insecure and disorganized/traumatic sense of self. Accordingly, someone with a secure sense of self will experience secure aloneness, someone with an insecure sense of self insecure aloneness, and someone with trauma traumatic or disorganized aloneness. Of course, these categories are not absolute and should rather be seen as signposts on a spectrum of experiences. Meanwhile, each category of aloneness has its advantages and disadvantages.
At first blush, secure aloneness is the ideal springboard into nihility, as the secure sense of self is the most resilient one capable of withstanding the challenges of deconstruction. Its main disadvantage, though, is the fact that people with secure attachments are the happiest ones that are most comfortable with life as it is, and they may have the least amount of motivation to seek greater wisdom beyond the field of consciousness.
Less comfortable is a life with insecure attachments and an insecure sense of self. Granted, these people are more fragile and often busy enough trying to be as happy as they feel they could be, which leaves less excess energy available for growth beyond the field of consciousness. By the same token, the motivation to explore life’s mysteries more deeply might be enhanced by this impulse towards greater health, making them often excellent candidates for the exploration of nihility and emptiness. In any case, what these people have to be particularly attentive to is the differentiation between psychological suffering within the field of consciousness and existential suffering that beckons to grow beyond it, because those two kinds of suffering require different treatment approaches. If they get confused, the outcome is not good and will almost unfailingly lead to more suffering, more symptoms, and more decompensation. Before they can have free rein to pursue transcendence, making sure that they develop a more secure sense of self is paramount. “You have to be somebody before you can be nobody”, Jack Engler wrote back in the 1970s.
When it comes to traumatic aloneness, the issues discussed in the previous paragraph are even more extreme. Plunging into the abyss of aloneness in nihility for someone with trauma, who has not done any psychotherapy, will almost certainly trigger massive, overwhelming anxiety and decompensation that is tantamount to a re-traumatization. The principle of focusing first on the development of a more secure sense of self is even more important here. With time, when substantial healing of the trauma has been achieved, the depth of the traumatic abyss of aloneness these people used to experience and may still have access to, can indeed become a boon as it echoes the abyss of nihility. No stranger to that depth of deconstruction, these people may sometimes have an easier time recognizing the daily calls of nihility most people routinely ignore. The trick, then, is to embrace nihility without falling into traumatic annihilation.
Coda
What this article tries to address are no doubt complex matters that require years of patient study, exploration and practice. Even though this text uses the path and journey metaphor that suggests a destination, this work is indeed the thousand-year human journey with no end nor destination. That is the mysterious paradox of the present moment, where the finiteness of time intersects with the vast eternity of timelessness. The being of the world is the time (becoming) that devours it. As we put one foot in front of the other, walking on the path to nowhere from moment to moment, let’s always remember the futility of lofty goals as we surrender to the one and only aspiration we may be granted to relish as we proceed – the joy of noticing improvement.
When we get used to embracing the inevitable reality of death as part of life and life as part of death, a deep sense of relief arises that soothes our suffering. Being existentially alone eventually leads to the realization of our home ground in the Great Life of real Being, our true identity as the being, vanishing, and becoming of everything. As we anticipated at the beginning of this article from the etymology of the word ‘aloneness’, while trauma aloneness has ‘nothing else’, existential aloneness entails ‘everything’.
Copyright © 2022 by Dr. Stéphane Treyvaud. All rights reserved.

Where healing ends in silence
I. The Ladder of Depths
Every complaint a human being brings to another human being, every human exchange can be met at four depths. This is not a metaphor. It is a clinical observation, repeatable across decades of practice, and it has a strange property: the deeper the layer at which the human suffering is met, the less is said, the less is done, and the more is healed. The trajectory of genuine help runs not toward more sophisticated answers but toward the progressive exhaustion of answering itself, combined with deepening mastery of responsibility.
Take the most ordinary of openings, the sentence uttered a thousand times a day in every language: “I feel stressed. I am unhappy and having a hard time coping.” What happens next depends entirely on the depth at which the listener is standing. And here is the experiment this essay proposes: we will answer that same sentence four times, once from each layer, and we will let the language itself betray the depth. For the layers are not merely different techniques – they are different relationships to language, and beneath that, different relationships to the whole person. Each layer addresses a different stratum of the one who suffers: the first addresses her circumstances, the second his thoughts, the third her hidden story, and the fourth the whole organism itself – that living totality of body, brain, history, and awareness which precedes every story told about it. As we descend, words do not simply change their content. They change their function, then their density, and finally their necessity – because what they are addressing grows progressively larger than anything words were built to hold.
II. The First Layer: The World of Advice
“Oh, I know exactly what you mean – I went through the same thing last year. Have you tried getting more sleep? Honestly, that changed everything for me. And you should really take a proper vacation, you’ve earned it. Maybe cut back on the coffee too. My sister swears by yoga – there’s a great studio near you. You’ll get through this. Everyone does.”
That is the friend. The counselor at this same layer sounds different – more disciplined, less autobiographical – but listen to where the inquiry lives:
“Let us look at what is actually happening. When did the stress begin – and what changed around that time? Workload? Sleep? Finances? A relationship? Let us make an inventory of your commitments and sort them: which are truly yours, which could be delegated, which could be dropped. Which sources of pressure are within your control, and which are not? Once we can see the whole picture, we can build a plan – realistic steps, one at a time.”
The counselor has removed himself from the frame – no sister, no yoga studio, no borrowed biography – and this is real professional discipline. The exploration is genuinely investigative: causes are sought, factors are sorted, a plan takes shape. And yet the friend and the counselor stand at exactly the same depth, because the inquiry, however methodical, remains entirely within the concrete, the logical, the practical. Notice what the language of both is doing: it is full. It brims with content – the friend’s content is her own life, the counselor’s content is the inventory and the plan, but content it remains. Its grammatical mood is the imperative softened by kindness or the question aimed at action: try this, sort that, decide this. It treats suffering as a logistics problem – something is misarranged in the person’s circumstances and must be resupplied, rescheduled, reorganized. The person herself is addressed as the manager of her situation, and the whole of her – the body that carries the stress, the history that shaped her way of carrying it, the awareness in which all of it appears – is left standing outside the consulting room. The listener remains entirely within what we might call the world of things: the world of content, of provisions, of arrangements, of more.
The first layer helps, sometimes. But it heals the way a borrowed coat warms – from the outside, temporarily, and in someone else’s size. Even the counselor’s well-tailored plan remains a coat.
III. The Second Layer: The World of Meaning
“Let us look at the thought itself. When you say ‘I am having a hard time coping,’ what is the belief underneath? Perhaps: ‘I should be able to handle this alone,’ or ‘If I cannot cope, I am failing.’ Is that belief accurate? What is the evidence for it, and against it? What would you say to a friend who held it? Could the sentence be reframed – not ‘I am failing to cope’ but ‘I am carrying more than one person is built to carry’?”
The language has changed. It is no longer full of the helper’s life; it is structured, forensic, Socratic. Its mood has shifted from imperative to interrogative, but the questions are closed at the bottom – they have destinations. This is the cognitive layer, and its wager is that suffering rides on meaning: change the appraisal and you change the emotion, and through the emotion, the body. The wager frequently pays. Cognition is genuinely upstream of much misery, and a distorted belief, once caught in the light, loses a measure of its grip.
Yet notice what has not changed. The work still happens entirely within the economy of content. One meaning is exchanged for a better meaning, one story for a more adaptive story. The currency has been revalued, but we are still shopping. Something has genuinely deepened – the inquiry has moved from the person’s circumstances into the person, from the world to the thought about the world – but a thought is a thin slice of a human being. The self who suffers and the self who fixes remain intact, facing each other across the same table, and the rest of the organism – the felt body, the buried history, the wordless knowing that predates every appraisal – waits outside the renovated sentences, untouched.
IV. The Third Layer: The World Beneath the Story
“I notice you said ‘coping’ – as if life were a siege. I find myself wondering who taught you that. You mentioned your father once, almost in passing, when you spoke about your work – and your voice did something just then, similar to when you recounted your basement dream. What is the story you are not telling while you tell this one? I do not know what your stress is. I am not sure you do either – yet. What does it want from you?”
Again the language has transformed, and more radically. It has become slower, stranger, more allusive and interspersed with longer reflective silences. The questions are now open at the bottom – they lead nowhere in particular, which is precisely their power. This is the psychodynamic layer: it does not answer the story but listens beneath it, for the hidden story, the embodied emotional and somatic expressions of the non-verbal, the unsaid, the pattern that repeats across decades wearing different costumes. The interpreter offers no solutions; he offers unexpected connections, and the connections do not close the inquiry but open it. The patient leaves the hour not with answers but with better questions – and better questions are structural renovations, because they enlarge the space in which the mind can move. Where the second layer replaced content, the third layer loosens the grip of content altogether: perspectives widen, associations that were forbidden become thinkable, and the organism – not the intellect, the embodied organism – begins to find pathways it could not find while the official story blocked the road.
The language of this layer is already becoming porous. It gestures more than it states. It has learned to leave gaps – because it has discovered that the healing happens in the gaps.
V. The Fourth Layer
“I don’t know.”
Silence.
Nothing more. And – this is the scandal – nothing more is precisely what is needed. Not the frustrated silence of the helper who has run out of ideas, but the vast, deliberate, inhabited silence of one who has stopped needing ideas. When the patient asks for advice, for a solution, for anything: I don’t know. Let us stay here, with nothing, open to whatever may emerge. The language has completed its trajectory. At the first layer it was full; at the second, structured; at the third, porous; at the fourth it has become almost entirely space. And in parallel, what is being addressed has completed its own trajectory: from the person’s circumstances to her thoughts, to her hidden story, and now – finally – to the whole of her. Not the manager of situations, not the holder of beliefs, not even the teller of untold stories, but the entire living organism: the body with its four-billion-year inheritance, the nervous system with its sedimented history, the awareness in which all of it appears. That totality cannot be advised, cannot be reframed, cannot even be interpreted – it is larger than every instrument the shallower layers possess. It can only be met. What remains of speech is apophatic – it speaks only to unsay, it points only at what cannot be pointed at. The listener is no longer answering, no longer reframing, no longer even interpreting. The listener has become stillness itself, and offers the sufferer the strangest of all gifts: a place where absolutely nothing is required of them – and where, for the first time, nothing less than all of them is welcome; a place where nothing is precisely everything, and in the silence nothing important is left unsaid, left undone.
The remainder of this essay is an attempt to explain why this – the layer at which nothing is said, nothing is solved, and nothing is done – is not the abandonment of healing but its greatest depth.
VI. The Case Against Nothing
The objections deserve to be stated at full strength, because they are serious. First: is this not quietism dressed in therapeutic robes – a sophisticated permission to abandon the patient at exactly the moment she asks for help? Second: is it not nihilism – does the celebration of emptiness not risk confirming the depressed person’s darkest conviction, that nothing matters and nothing can be done? Third: is it not spiritual bypassing – the use of emptiness as an anesthetic, a way to float above the wound rather than enter it? And fourth, the empiricist’s objection: where is the mechanism? “Sit with nothing and be healed” sounds less like medicine than like mystification.
These objections share a single, understandable error: they mistake the fourth layer for the absence of the first three. But the layers are a ladder, not a menu. The silence of the fourth layer is not available as a starting point – offered prematurely, it is indeed abandonment, and offered to acute despair it is indeed dangerous. It becomes medicine only for the one who has climbed through advice and found it a borrowed coat, through reframing and found it redecoration, through interpretation and found even the finest insight to be one more piece of content – one more thing. The fourth layer is not the refusal to help. It is what helping becomes when everything shallower has been honestly exhausted. And nihility, as we shall see, is not the destination but the doorway – the place one must pass through, not the place one is invited to live.
VII. Why Nothing Heals
Consider first what suffering ordinarily makes us do. Pain arrives, and the whole organism organizes itself around a single project: get rid of it. We fight it, flee it, medicate it, analyze it, out-think it, out-run it. Every one of these maneuvers, whatever its surface sophistication, is the same maneuver: the attempt to manage the world of things – to find better content, better meaning, better solutions. And every one of these maneuvers draws its instructions from exactly one source: the past. What we already know. Our conditioning – the archive of everything that has previously worked, previously failed, previously been feared. This includes even the psychodynamic process, albeit to a lesser degree and with greater power of creative renewal. The fixing mind is by construction a retrospective mind. It cannot propose anything it has not, in some form, already met.
This is where the contemplative claim acquires, unexpectedly, a scientific spine. In the predictive-processing account of brain function associated with Karl Friston’s free-energy principle, the brain is not a passive receiver of the world but a ceaseless generator of predictions about it, correcting itself only where reality forces the issue. Perception itself is controlled hallucination disciplined by error; what we experience is largely what we expect, and what we expect is what we have been. Our priors – the accumulated weightings of a lifetime – are the riverbed through which every new moment is channeled. Suffering, in this light, is often not a problem in the riverbed but a problem of the riverbed: the predictions themselves have become the prison, and every effortful attempt to fix, cope, and solve is executed by the very machinery that is malfunctioning – and reinforces it with each execution. It is as if one lived a nightmare and attempted to liberate oneself from it by improving it, instead of waking up from it.
Now watch what the fourth layer does. To sit in profound not-knowing and non-doing – to genuinely surrender the project of fixing – is to withdraw, deliberately and radically, our investment in prediction. It is to stop feeding the priors. It is to suspend the entire retrospective apparatus and expose awareness, undefended, to what the machinery would otherwise have filtered out: the unexpected. The genuinely unexpected – which at first presents itself as noise, as nonsense, as seemingly meaningless and even seemingly mad. This is why the initial territory of the deep layer is so unattractive, and why almost everyone turns back: it is nihility – the cold vertigo of groundlessness, the discovery that beneath the stories there is no floor, the realization that beneath all existence is death and non-existence. The Kyoto School philosopher Keiji Nishitani made precisely this distinction: nihility is the abyss that opens when meaning collapses, when we are faced with the absurd and unacceptable, and stare in the abyss of forsakenness; nothingness is the spacious and generative groundlessness that arises when instead of being fled, nihility is passed through and inhabited until it turns transparent, and the duality of nihility and consciousness are transcended; emptiness is how nothingness lovingly manifests within the web of interdependence of all things. Nihility experienced against existence and life is despair. Nihility consented to, all the way down, opens into a fullness of being that owes nothing to content.
And in that fullness, something happens that no amount of fixing could have produced. The unexpected material – the nonsensical, the unbidden, the apparently crazy – is allowed to play itself out on the widest theater the mind possesses: the spaciousness of stillness and silence. Nothing is grasped, so nothing is prematurely shaped by the old grasping patterns. Connections form that no conditioning would have permitted, because the conditioning has been placed, for once, out of the loop. And from this – not from advice, logic or interpretation – solutions arise that no one supplied. They are not deduced. They are not remembered. They arise, spontaneously, from the depth of unknowing, the way a forgotten name surfaces only after we stop hunting for it. The healing is not an achievement of the will. It is what the organism with its hundreds of thousands of years of evolution does by itself the moment the will, and with it the censor, finally get out of the way.
This is why emptiness heals where effort fails: effort can only rearrange the known, and the known is what is making us ill.
VIII. The Practice of Subtraction
The contemplative traditions converged on this discovery from every direction, which should give the skeptic pause. The Daoists called it wu wei – non-doing, the effectiveness that flows precisely from the abandonment of forcing. Meister Eckhart called it Gelassenheit – equanimity, the letting-be that lets God be, and insisted that the soul must become empty even of its images of God. The apophatic theologians built an entire method on unsaying, holding that the deepest truths are approached only by the systematic negation of everything sayable. Keats, in a letter to his brothers, named the same capacity in the artist: negative capability, the power of “being in uncertainties, mysteries, doubts, without any irritable reaching after fact and reason.” And Wilfred Bion, from inside psychoanalysis itself, gave the fourth layer its most austere clinical formulation: the analyst should enter each session without memory or desire – without memory, because memory drags the past across the present; without desire, because desire (even the desire to cure) forecloses what has not yet emerged. Sigmund Freud commented in a similar vein on the psychoanalytic process. Both Bion and Freud understood that the analyst’s knowing is the patient’s ceiling.
Note what all of these are: not techniques of addition but disciplines of subtraction. They train the one capacity our culture never trains – the capacity to refrain and unknow. To not reach. To not know. To not do. And they are training in the strictest sense, for nothing is more difficult. Any beginner can add a practice; it takes years to subtract the practitioner. The muscles of grasping are the oldest muscles we have – they were laid down before language, in an organism whose survival once genuinely depended on ceaseless prediction – and they do not release because we understand, intellectually, that they should. They release only through the long apprenticeship of sitting, again and again, at the edge of the groundless, and discovering, again and again, that the ground was never what was holding us up.
This is also why the fourth layer cannot be counterfeited. Advice can be memorized, reframes can be scripted, even interpretations can be imitated. But a silence is either inhabited or it is not, and the nervous system of the sufferer knows the difference instantly. The only preparation for offering nothing is to have become, oneself, at home in emptiness.
IX. Nothing to Say, Nothing to Solve
So, we arrive at the formula, which reads as despair to the first layer and as freedom to the fourth:
Nothing to say. Nothing to solve. Nothing to do. Nowhere to go. Nobody to be.
Read from the surface, each clause is a door slamming. Nothing to say – the failure of comfort. Nothing to solve – the failure of intelligence. Nothing to do – the failure of agency. Nowhere to go – the failure of escape. Nobody to be – the failure of identity itself. This is the reading the frightened mind performs, and it is why the frightened mind fights so hard at the threshold.
Read from the depth, each clause is a door opening. Nothing to say – and so, at last, the end of the exhausting performance of commentary; the world permitted to be what it is before our verdicts. Nothing to solve – and so the end of life as an emergency; the discovery that this moment, whatever it holds, is not a problem awaiting our administration. Nothing to do – and so the release of the doer, the laying down of a burden carried so long it had been mistaken for a spine. Nowhere to go – and so, for the first time, actual arrival; the only moment ever available, no longer a corridor to a better one. Nobody to be – and so the end of the project of the self, the maintenance of that laborious character we perform even in private; and in its place not a void but an intimacy, an aliveness without an owner, the anonymous awareness in which everything has been appearing all along, the realization that we are the universe unfolding.
The clauses are identical. Only the depth of the reader has changed. And that, finally, is the whole teaching: healing is not the improvement of the story, the mood, or even the self. Healing is the migration of the reader – from the layer where nothing is a wound to the layer where nothing is the medicine.
We spend our lives asking suffering to leave. Suffering was asking us to arrive.
Copyright © 2026 by Dr. Stéphane Treyvaud. All rights reserved.

We stand at a peculiar crossroads in history: transfixed by the spectacle of silicon minds assembling themselves from human thought, we have turned our gaze outward toward the machine – and in doing so, turned away from something infinitely stranger and more wondrous. The neuron firing in your visual cortex as you read these words has been refined by 500 million years of ruthless experimentation.
I. The Blind Spot
We stand at a peculiar crossroads in history: transfixed by the spectacle of silicon minds assembling themselves from human thought, we have turned our gaze outward toward the machine – and in doing so, turned away from something infinitely stranger and more wondrous. The neuron firing in your visual cortex as you read these words has been refined by 500 million years of ruthless experimentation. It speaks simultaneously in electrochemical gradients, synaptic geometry, glial whispers, epigenetic memory, and the mysterious way it feels to be you – a language so layered that we have barely begun to translate it. Artificial intelligence, for all its breathtaking mimicry, is a shadow cast by the organic: flat, fast, and legible precisely because it has been stripped of the irreducible complexity that makes life alive. The real frontier was never the one we built. It is the one we inhabit – and have barely looked at. The real moral concern is not AI’s consciousness, as it will forever just be a machine; it is the irreducibly different organic world of biology – life. Substrate matters.
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II. The Flight from the Organic
And yet, rather than turn toward that complexity, we are doubling down on the flight from it. Somewhere deep in the cultural psyche, an ancient archetype is running – a Noah’s Ark for the digital age: the dream that we can load our minds onto servers, colonize Mars, and outrun the fate of being mortal, embodied, and organic. It is a fantasy that the laws of physics greet with indifference. Mars is not an oversight in our evolutionary story; it is simply not within the conditions that made us possible. We are not minds that happen to have bodies. We are bodies that learned to think – and the thinking cannot survive the abandonment of the substrate.
Meanwhile, mindfulness – which might have been the corrective, the return to the full-bodied, right-hemispheric, emptiness-rooted intelligence that the organism actually runs on – has been quietly colonized by the same left-brain agenda it was meant to interrupt. Stripped of its contemplative roots in what I have coined Core Mind Realigning, it has been repackaged as a cognitive performance tool: stress reduction by spreadsheet, attention training as productivity hack. MBSR, as it is now commonly taught, too often becomes another exercise in mental management rather than a genuine rewiring of the organism’s relationship to itself. The silence at the center – the emptiness that is not absence but generative ground – has been edited out. What remains is technique without transformation: the map sold in place of the territory. Even technique is routinely taught superficially as many of my students coming from elsewhere attest – stripped of the exacting, unhurried rigour that navigating the infinite complexity of the mind demands. Too many practitioners have become more invested in the reductive confidence of evidence-based orthodoxy than in the kind of authentic human engagement that makes living transmission possible. But the deeper problem is one of timescale. The journey toward liberation from suffering is not a course. It is a lifelong apprenticeship – and the willingness to commit to it without horizon is not incidental to the path; it is the path. This is a principle Core Mind Realigning holds at its centre – with rigour, precision and commitment. It is no surprise, then, that people who complete a time-limited MBSR program without further training remain essentially untrained, unable to sustain a meaningful daily practice – because transformation is not an outcome. It is a way of living, a way of patiently walking the thousand-year journey and notice improvement.
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III. The Complexity We Cannot Build
Consider what forgetting life with its organic substrate actually costs. Despite centuries of biochemistry, we have not yet assembled a single living cell from its chemical constituents – not one. The cell remains, in this precise technical sense, beyond us: a self-organizing, self-repairing, meaning-making system of such staggering intricacy that our most sophisticated laboratories can only observe it, never truly replicate it from the ground up. Even if we eventually construct something that qualifies as a living cell, what it would lack is not an ingredient but a history – and four billion years of unbroken evolutionary inheritance is not a detail that any laboratory procedure can retrospectively install. And the cell is merely the beginning. Trees negotiate resource-sharing through fungal networks with a sophistication that shames our internet. Animals navigate, grieve, play, and remember in ways that suggest an interior life we have only begun to take seriously. Ecosystems regulate climate, water, atmosphere, and fertility through feedback loops so interdependent that we cannot yet model them fully – only disturb them. And disturb them we have. Roughly 70% of insect biomass has disappeared within living memory, quietly and almost without public mourning, even though the loss of insects would mean the collapse of the terrestrial ecosystem. The organic world – the only world that actually made us – is being unmade, and we are largely looking elsewhere. Time matters, evolution matters, nature matters – replanted forests have little in common with old growth jungles. Just as a rich broth cannot be hurried – only tended, over hours, until what was raw and separate becomes nourishment – so the untamed processes of the mind yield their healing secrets only under the slow, sustained heat of trained awareness.
This is not only an ecological crisis. It is a crisis of attention – and perhaps, at its root, a crisis of wonder. Where is the mindfulness project equal to this moment? Not the one that teaches you to breathe through a difficult meeting, but the one that rekindles genuine passion for what we are made of – that positions the practitioner not merely as a calmer self, but as a custodian of biological heritage and wisdom. The original invitation of contemplative practice was never stress reduction as its core; it was the direct investigation of the nature of mind and reality – including the emptiness at the heart of both. Quantum biology is now finding that coherence, superposition, and non-locality are not metaphors when applied to living systems – they may be operational realities at the cellular level. The void is not outside biology. It may be biology’s deepest mechanism.
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IV. The Left-Hemisphere Civilization
And what happens to the collective mind when this dimension is foreclosed – when a civilization becomes, structurally and habitually, a left-hemisphere operation? The results are not difficult to observe, and they are not accidental. The left hemisphere, as McGilchrist has meticulously documented, is not unintelligent – it is narrowly, brilliantly, dangerously competent. It categorizes, systematizes, and controls with extraordinary efficiency. What it cannot do is hold complexity without resolving it, tolerate paradox without collapsing it, or remain in relationship with what resists being named. When it becomes the dominant mode of a civilization – not merely a tool but the operating system – the dire consequences ripple outward into every domain of collective life.
Politics becomes the first casualty. Discourse that was once capable of holding tension – the irreducible tension between liberty and solidarity, tradition and renewal, the individual and the commons – hardens into opposed and irreconcilable certainties. Each side constructs an internally consistent worldview devoid of common sense, a closed epistemic system that processes only confirming data and experiences disconfirmation not as information but as attack. This is not disagreement. Disagreement requires a shared ground. What we are witnessing is something closer to parallel realities – each one coherent from within, each one increasingly unable to perceive the other as fully human. Dehumanization does not begin with violence. It begins with the foreclosure of ambiguity.
Religion (from Latin ‘re-ligio’ meaning ‘re-connection’), which at its contemplative root was always an encounter with what cannot be controlled – the groundlessness beneath ground, the silence beneath thought – gets conscripted into the left hemisphere’s project. Mystery becomes doctrine. Paradox becomes heresy. The apophatic tradition, which knew that the deepest truths can only be approached by unsaying, is replaced by literalism: sacred texts read as mindless instruction manuals, transcendence repackaged as tribal identity. God becomes a flag. The infinite becomes a weapon. And those who wield it do so with the serene confidence of people who have mistaken the map for the territory so completely that they have forgotten a territory ever existed.
Power displaces respect because respect requires the recognition of an interior life in the other – and that recognition is a right-hemisphere act. When the right hemisphere’s contribution is diminished, the other becomes a category before they become a person: a demographic, a threat vector, an ideological position. Empathy does not disappear entirely – but it narrows, becomes tribal, and then, in one of the more tragic ironies of our moment, turns against itself in suicidal inevitability. What begins as genuine moral sensitivity curdles, under left-hemisphere management, into a performance of sensitivity – competitive, punitive, and ultimately self-consuming. The result is the tyranny of division, entitlement and indoctrination. Truth becomes dangerous, because it is routinely inconvenient and offensive to the spineless – then gets replaced by the scourge of political correctness. Cultures begin auditing their own histories not with the nuanced grief of people trying to integrate a difficult past, but with the prosecutorial zeal of systems seeking to purge contamination. Here again, the substrate is forgotten, history is forgotten, the sense of identity lost. The result is not healing. It is a new form of the same splitting: the world divided again into pure and impure, victim and oppressor, the saved and the condemned, with the terms simply reversed.
Polarization deepens not because human nature has changed but because the cultural and technological environment now systematically rewards the left hemisphere’s preferred mode: fast, certain, categorical, and emotionally activating in the most reductive sense. Social media does not merely reflect the divided mind – it selects for it, amplifies it, and profits from it. The algorithm has no investment in wisdom. It has an investment in engagement, which is to say, in the kind of arousal that forecloses reflection. We have built, at civilizational scale, a machine that feeds the part of us least capable of governing wisely – and then expressed bewilderment at the quality of our governance.
What is missing – what has always been missing from political discourse conducted entirely within the left hemisphere’s jurisdiction – is the capacity McGilchrist calls 'Aufhebung': The ability to hold opposites in a higher synthesis without destroying either pole. This is not compromise in the weak sense – the splitting of differences – but genuine dialectical movement, the kind that requires sitting with discomfort long enough for something new to emerge. It is, not coincidentally, precisely what contemplative practice trains. The still point is not politically neutral. The capacity to remain present with what is unresolved, to resist the premature closure of complexity into slogan – this is a civic faculty as much as a personal one. Its absence is not just a spiritual problem. It is a governance crisis.
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V. The Return
And yet – and this is the turn that neither the political left nor right can quite bring itself to make – the remedy is not more analysis. It is not a better ideology, a more refined critique, or a superior epistemic framework. The left hemisphere cannot think its way out of dominant left-hemispheric insanity. The exit is not through the same door. What is required is a return – not a nostalgic one, but a radical one, in the original sense of radix: root. A return to the substrate. To the body that breathes without being asked. To the forest floor where a single teaspoon of soil contains more microbial organisms than there are human beings on earth. To the silence that is not the absence of noise but the generative presence of something prior to noise – the ground state from which experience arises and to which, in deep practice, it returns.
This is what the organic world has always been quietly offering. Not consolation. Not escape. But scale – the humbling, orienting scale of a complexity so vast and so intimate that it cannot be othered. You cannot stand in genuine relationship with an old-growth forest, with the mycelial network threading beneath your feet, with the migratory intelligence of a bird navigating by magnetic field and star – and remain entirely inside the left hemisphere’s jurisdiction. Something shifts. The boundary between self and world becomes, not dissolved, but permeable. This is not mysticism as an add-on to biology. This is biology, perceived at the depth it deserves.
The contemplative traditions knew this long before neuroscience had the instruments to confirm it. The Zen master pointing at the moon was not making a metaphysical claim – he was performing a corrective, redirecting attention from the symbol to the thing, from the map to the living territory. The Buddhist teaching on śūnyatā – emptiness – was never a nihilistic statement about the unreality of the world. It was a precise phenomenological observation: that all phenomena, including the self, arise interdependently, without fixed essence, in a web of mutual conditionality that modern ecology recognizes under a different name. The Buddha and the mycologist are, at some level, describing the same discovery. The cell membrane and the Markov blanket are, at some level, encoding the same ancient problem: where does self end and world begin, and what does it mean that the answer is always – here, and not quite here.
Core Mind Realigning we practice in our meditation programs at The Mindfulness Centre – the full-spectrum return to embodied, right-hemisphere-inclusive, emptiness-rooted awareness – is not, then, a wellness intervention. It is a reorientation to reality. It asks not merely “how do I manage my stress” but “what am I, actually, and what world am I embedded in.” It trains the capacity to tolerate not-knowing long enough for genuine knowing to arise – the kind that includes the body, the relational field, the silence beneath thought, the intricate aliveness of the organism that has been, all along, doing something far more extraordinary than anything we have yet programmed a machine to do.
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VI. The Frontier We Forgot
We are not at the dawn of intelligence. We are, if anything, at a moment of reckoning with how much of it we have ignored. The intelligence that assembled the human eye, that coordinates the immune response, that allows a murmuration of starlings to move as a single fluid mind without a conductor – this intelligence does not fit in a prompt. It does not run on servers. It also does not require the optional imaginative maneuver of engaging in an intimate relationship with a divine creator. It ‘simply’, yet astoundingly runs on carbon, water, time, and a set of thermodynamic constraints so precise that the margin for life, in the universe we can observe, appears almost impossibly narrow. We are that margin. We are what happened when matter became curious about itself – and the least we owe that fact is attention.
The mindfulness project, at its fullest, is nothing less than this: the cultivation of a quality of attention adequate to the complexity we actually inhabit. Not the attention that optimizes, extracts, and moves on – but the attention that stays, that deepens, that allows the world to become strange and specific and irreplaceable again. The trees are still communicating. The genome is still, in every cell division, copying three billion base pairs with an error rate that would humiliate any human engineer. The glia are still doing something in the brain that we do not yet fully understand. The emptiness at the heart of matter is still – against all our productivity – simply here and, if you prefer, simply God in its incomprehensible essence. God does not have to be posited separately. This very ordinary embodied moment is extraordinary beyond imagination when we know how to look closely – it is God’s magnificent incarnation.
We did not need to build a mind. We need to inhabit the embodied one we have – and wake up, at last, to the world it arose from.
Copyright © 2026 by Dr. Stéphane Treyvaud. All rights reserved.

Human function, action, cognition and behavior under the lens of automaticity
Every novice meditator must understand the mind’s inherent automaticity, forged over eons of evolution to secure survival. The brain, the most intricate structure in the known universe, gives rise to the mind, whose elaborate workings unfold as the most profound phenomenon we can encounter. This complexity reveals our vast potential for self-deception, emphasizing the urgent need to avoid harmful habits early in practice. Cultivating a precise and resilient technical foundation is vital for navigating the mind’s labyrinthine depths. Let us briefly explore the scope of this automaticity, a formidable force we confront as we seek to understand our lives.
Estimating the exact percentage of human action and functioning that is automatic and not conscious is tricky, as it depends on how we define "action," "functioning," and "conscious." However, research in psychology and neuroscience suggests that a significant portion of human behavior and physiological processes operates outside conscious awareness.
1. Physiological Functions: Most bodily processes—like heart rate, breathing, digestion, and reflexes—are automatic and controlled by the autonomic nervous system. These account for the vast majority of "functioning" in terms of rawprocesses. If we consider all bodily functions (including cellular processes),conscious control might apply to less than 1% of total activity, as most biological operations are involuntary.
2. Behavioral and Cognitive Actions: When it comes to behavior, decision-making, and cognition, studies suggest that a large portion is driven by automatic processes:
- Psychologist Daniel Kahneman, in his work on System 1 (fast, automatic) and System 2 (slow, deliberate) thinking, suggeststhat System 1 dominates much of our daily behavior. Estimates vary, but someresearchers propose that 95% or more of cognitive processes (e.g., snapjudgments, habits, and intuitive reactions) are automatic.
- Studies on priming and implicit bias (e.g., by John Bargh) show that many decisions, from simple motor actions to complex social behaviors, are influenced by unconscious cues.
- Habitual behaviors, like driving a familiarroute or typing, often occur with minimal conscious input once learned.
3. Conscious vs. Unconscious Balance: While no precise percentage is universally agreed upon, some neuroscientists estimate that 90–95% of brain activity is unconscious, based on the volume of neural processes handling sensory input, motor control, and background cognition. Conscious actions—like deliberateproblem-solving or focused attention—make up a smaller fraction, perhaps 5–10%of mental activity.
Rough General Estimate: If we combine physiologicaland behavioral aspects, roughly 90–95% of human "action and functioning" (broadly defined) is likely automatic and not conscious. Thisvaries by context—routine tasks lean more automatic, while novel or complex tasksrequire more conscious effort.
Copyright © 2025 by Dr. Stéphane Treyvaud. All rights reserved.